“Know.”
I had to hold my breath at my father’s words.
To some extent, such an answer was to be expected.
If my mother is alive, then someone who knows where she is.
Of course, I thought it was only my father. I looked into my father’s eyes and asked.
“…Where are you? mother.”
I needed to know where my mother was.
It’s not just a common reason why my mother misses me.
Because I gradually began to see that my mother was involved in everything that had to do with me.
The identity of the mother called the second disaster, including the beast that is in the body.
Even the name of the owner of the universe.
And the most important of them.
‘It’s about the new sword.’
The voice that wrapped around me and told me right before I let go of the new sword was definitely my mother’s.
how can i forget
It was a voice that shimmered even though I wanted to forget it.
My mother definitely told me to keep the new sword in me.
After hearing that, I had the energy of the new sword in my body.
Maybe her mother knows how to meet the new sword again.
I thought so.
So, in order to know the truth about all of this, I finally had to meet my mother in person.
“If you know, please let me know.”
“…”
My father looks at me without showing any reaction to my question.
I wondered how it was so unresponsive. I could tell by looking closely into my father’s eyes.
‘It’s not unresponsive.’
My father’s eyes were shaking slightly.
Looking at that, I endured it until I heard an answer from my father.
After such a short silence, my father speaks to me.
“…why do you want to know that?”
I had to frown in front of my father, which is rare for the answer I heard.
why would you want to know that?
Hearing his father’s words, he felt an instant turn inside out.
“Is it any wonder that children want to know where their mother is?”
“…”
“…I don’t just want to know. I want to know even now.”
how long is this
I never thought the day would come when I would raise my voice in front of my father. It’s the first time after returning. It was one of the most memorable moments in my past life.
It was such a situation too.
It’s something I didn’t know until the moment my heart burst and died. If your mother is alive somewhere.
In addition, if it has anything to do with your current life. Even if it had nothing to do with him, it is a fact that I should have known somehow.
“If you know, you can tell me.”
Despite my words, my father is still unmoving. The silence was very frustrating.
“The head of household…”
“What would you do if you knew where your mother was?”
He paused for a moment at his father’s quick question. I speak right away
“I will find you.”
“To the place where your mother is?”
“yes.”
no lies were spoken
It was a question for that. My father must have already guessed about this.
“…that’s not a place you can go just because you want to go.”
“why? Is it a demon?”
“…”
“If not, is it because I have to become a Sogaju? If that’s not the case.”
My father’s eyes, which I could not easily see one day, looked especially clear today.
“Is it because your mother is a disaster?”
“…!”
the moment you speak.
Geuggeuk-!
The heat radiates from the father’s body as if it were about to explode.
I almost took a step back from that dark energy, but I barely endured it.
I wouldn’t know if it was usual, but I didn’t want to be pushed now.
Amid the spreading heat, the father’s eyes look quite sharp.
Are you frowning?
If not, am I angry?
I couldn’t recognize the change in my father’s expression because I wasn’t used to it.
“…how do you know that?”
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Is it a response to saying that my mother was a disaster?
If so, it meant that the father knew the existence of the catastrophe and that the mother was the catastrophe.
“Did you hear…”
Kuuuuu!
The moment I was about to spit out an answer. A heavy presence emanates from the father. It felt like my heart was thumping and sinking.
“To whom? Who dared to tell you that?”
‘…this.’
My father must be very angry, and the heat gradually grows stronger.
It’s quite similar to the heat I felt earlier.
Where are you angry?
Was it a problem from what I heard?
“…That’s not important right now, is it?”
“No, it is important. So tell me.”
“…”
It was the look in his eyes that said he couldn’t get past it. Seeing those eyes, I spit out words as if I couldn’t help it.
“…I heard from the world tree called the owner.”
“…”
My father’s eyes trembled when he heard the story.
The World Tree said
My father and mother had come to see me. If so, it must mean that my father also knew about the World Tree.
My father’s reaction was unusual, as if my words were true.
“That… how do you know? No way…”
My father’s big hand grabs my shoulder.
“Did you go there?”
“Where there is a world tree, that is correct.”
false world. It meant the place where the world tree was imprisoned.
The more he spit out the answer, the more his father’s expression contorted.
Why? Why are you making such a face?
When I have doubts in my head, my father tells me.
“Why did you cross the wall? Is that also an influence there?”
The reason why I was able to reach Hwagyeong at an early age.
My father was asking if it was the influence of the demonic world.
“There was no impact.”
I did get help.
Thanks to my time there, I was able to shorten my trip to Hwagyeong.
However, the more I spit out the words, the more my father’s expression only got worse.
“It is not a place to go casually. How the hell did you get there?”
“…Somehow, it happened that way.”
“How long have you been there?”
He also seemed to know that the time there was different from the time here.
I turn my thoughts to my father’s question.
How much was it?
I don’t know exactly because I haven’t been counting from day to day.
I think I counted up to three or four years.
After that, I didn’t care because it was unnecessary.
“It wasn’t very long.”
Upon hearing the words, the father did not show much confidence.
Why is this so problematic that he is making such a tough face?
‘It’ll be the same when I come back anyway.’
Even though it’s a false world, I feel hunger and thirst.
If necessary, just kill monsters to fill your stomach. If you are thirsty, just fill your thirst with blood.
If you feel the poison peculiar to a monster, you can purify it with a bet, but if you can’t do it all, it’s enough to move while suffering.
As long as you don’t die, there’s no problem.
As a result, I reached the Hwagyeong.
In addition, I was able to come over to the present world with the enlightenment I gained there.
What is the problem.
I couldn’t understand my father’s reaction.
It bothered me, but that wasn’t what I was asking.
“Even the lord. He said he had been there with his mother.”
“Did she say that?”
is she I was subtly concerned about the name my father called for the World Tree.
“yes.”
“…It looks like you spat out useless words.”
I am startled by the deep anger in my voice.
The world tree was still the owner of the midfield. My father speaks savagely as if nothing happened.
“The reason you don’t want to tell me. Is it because Mother is truly a calamity brought upon the world?”
“If so, what will you do?”
“If you said yes. Nothing changes. I must listen.”
“…”
After hearing my answer, my father stares at me.
By the time I wondered if I was finally going to give an answer.
“No.”
“…!”
I bit my teeth at my father’s answer.
Even after coming here, is your father going to refuse?
“Why… as far as I know. I think it deserves to be heard.”
I wondered if my father was doing this because he was also banned, but I thought it was not.
It’s just a feeling. My senses were never wrong at times like this.
The moment I was about to distort my impression.
“How many regrets have you had in your life?”
My father said something rather out of the blue.
“…Do you have any regrets?”
The sudden words pause for a moment.
regret?
How many times have you regretted it?
“I’ve done a lot of that.”
said with a laugh.
Regrets were like my life. I tried to get tired of it Maybe it’s something I’ll have to get tired of in the future.
But why would my father ask such a thing?
“Bon Gaju… No, I didn’t have many regrets in my life.”
It’s an absurd story. A life without many regrets
It was a very pitiful life.
Whether you know what I think or not. Dad keeps talking.
“I lived a life with no regrets. Because I thought that too much lingering was meaningless. I’ve been living like that Do you know what the few regrets I have left are?”
sorry for the father
“…I do not know.”
I had no clue.
As I answered carefully, my father spoke to me as if he had waited.
“That regret is with you and your mother.”
“…!”
The words become daggers and pierce the heart.
I hope I didn’t know you could say it like that.
My mother and I regret it. How could you say that to your face?
“Now that’s…!”
The moment I couldn’t stand it and got angry.
“that day. I shouldn’t have taken you to your mother.”
My father’s words take my breath away.
Because it was unexpected.
What day are you talking about?
It refers to the day when my mother was swallowed up by the demonic realm and disappeared.
“that.”
“You shouldn’t have sent your mother like that. I shouldn’t have listened to her request and faced the young you. That is my regret.”
As soon as he was about to say something, he heard his father’s words and was overcome by a sense of difference.
“…after hearing what your mother said?”
There. Shouldn’t have sent it like that?
Doesn’t this look like the mother left because she wanted it?
“…”
“That day. Are you saying that the reason you took me was because of what my mother said?”
My father did not answer the question, but I could tell that the words were affirmative.
‘What do you mean by this?’
still alive Memories of that time still come to mind often.
one winter night.
His hands and ears were stained red from the cold.
Around the time my pure white mind became blurry, my mother’s hand touched my cheek. In front of him, my father was looking down at me.
I remember all the unknown demonic gates opened behind me and my mother’s tears.
That was the point where my life started to go awry, how can I forget it?
Up until now, of course, I thought my father had dragged me there.
‘Actually, my mother wanted to see me?’
This was a story I never knew.
“I shouldn’t have granted her wish to see you one last time.”
The moonlight cast a shadow, and suddenly he couldn’t see his father’s expression well.
Well, if what your father said is true.
“Why are you saying that now?”
It was too late.
I lived thinking that my mother was like that because of this dog-like family’s karma and my father’s choice.
At that time, I was afraid of my father who showed me the end of my mother.
like.
Because it seemed to mean that if you refused the karma I had to shoulder, you would become like this too.
But if you come now and say it wasn’t like that.
“…isn’t that too late?”
It’s already too late.
whether that statement is true or not. We’ve come too far now.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t know anything else, but at least if I had told you this beforehand.”
“Do you think it would be different if that were the case?”
“…”
I couldn’t bear to answer yes to the question.
Because I know now that it wasn’t like that.
Even so.
“…Then did you want me to crumble with resentment toward the head of the household?”
It was like that in a previous life.
I collapsed, crumbled, and sank in filth.
Did my father really not know that I would collapse like that?
At the words that he spat out with various emotions, his father let out a few breaths.
His breath felt somehow heavy.
“A person is a person of any kind. If the situation is too difficult to bear.”
It flows out with breathing.
“You will always find someone to resent.”
The fleeting words were enough to make my way through my head.
“If you need such an existence, rather than resenting the world you can’t face. Wouldn’t it be better to resent the incompetent father?”
“…”
bitter. For some reason, I was really bitter.
I didn’t want to hear this.
I just need to hear where my mother is.
I didn’t want to come here and find out about this.
“…a contradiction.”
“okay.”
“It is said that the head of the family was considerate there. It is not reasonable to leave me alone in ruins.”
It’s my fault that I couldn’t overcome it and started to break down. It was my father who didn’t raise it anyway and just let it happen.
“Doesn’t that mean you wanted me to resent you, too?”
swept away by the wind
It feels like the emotions that have accumulated in the past are rushing all at once.
Where did these feelings get stuck, and now they raise their heads?
It seemed like I was living my life without worrying about it.
On the one hand, I feel that way.
If my father had caught me and tried to raise me up.
Would I have changed?
It was unknown because it hadn’t happened.
Even if it would have been different, I hoped it wasn’t.
If so.
I would feel so miserable for not having experienced such a thing.
So please.
“okay.”
I hope my father doesn’t look at me like that.
“That is also my regret.”
As always, I hope you look at me with cool, cold eyes.
“Even though I know I shouldn’t. It’s my fault for not reaching out.”
I hoped that you wouldn’t look at me with those bitter eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
“…”
“That’s why I can’t send you to your mother. Regret is enough for this alone.”
To my father’s apology, which I never expected to hear.
Something barely holding on inside is shattered.
I just couldn’t help it. It would have been better if he had made an excuse that he had no time to care about me.
My father never said a word like that.
That’s why it’s more disgusting.
He immediately hid his face with trembling hands.
It’s not that ugly tears came out.
It was because I couldn’t bear to meet my father’s eyes.
It would have been better if I hadn’t heard an apology.
How did this happen?
‘…ah.’
I shouldn’t have received an apology like that from my father.
Even if he was such a fearful and resentful father.
He shouldn’t have apologized to me.
Because I bought and bought it? Anyway, because it’s my father?
no.
That’s not why.
It was a more fundamental reason.
At least.
really at least.
He shouldn’t have apologized to his son who killed him.
Like the winter night when I sent my mother away, it reminds me of a memory that I couldn’t bear to forget and etched into a corner of my memory.
-Good job.
The words of my father who praised me for being on the flower scene.
The image of my father who was talking to me at the last moment overlaps.
Yes, father’s last.
Except for Wi Seol-ah, the father who gave the only wound to the Heavenly Demon in his previous life was.
He dies shortly thereafter.
In Jungwon, of course, they would have thought that the Heavenly Demon killed their father.
The reality was different.
The Heavenly Demon did not kill her father.
It wasn’t the Heavenly Demon that killed my father.
It was me.
