Episode 133 < ■■. (1) >
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The director of the orphanage where I grew up was a person who was indifferent to both good and bad things.
The children at the orphanage complained about it.
-It’s too vague. Our birthdays are both on January 1st, right?
-It’s annoying to have multiple birthday parties.
-What on earth is my name? Kim Maeng-ja.
-Hey, you guys got the name Kim because it was natural, but I’m Kim Hanbija… . Did you just say it was Han Feizi?
I thought so too. I’ve always thought that way ever since I entered the tower.
But when I think about it again now that I have met many people, met the Sword Emperor, met the teacher, met Raviel, and met many others.
-Director, why are you like that?
It may be strange to say it this way, but he always seemed concerned and wary of us loving him too much.
-Doesn’t the director love us?
I recalled the conversation I had with the principal on the day I received my middle school uniform.
When the director asked me a question, he looked serious and said, “Please wait one day.” Whenever a serious question was asked, the director always said, “Please wait one day.”
And answered.
-You asked yesterday. Why don’t you love me a little more?
-yes… .
As the day passed, I felt a bit sorry for even asking such a question. However, the director clearly told me what he had summarized during the day, as if he did not care about my apologies.
– Confucius. It’s easy for people to pretend to look good. That’s the easiest thing in the world. Pretending to be smart, pretending to be strong, pretending to be kind, pretending to really know something… . You say that to your friends too, right? The same goes for me, who gave you the names of saints. All adults do that too.
The director washed my face dry.
-Everyone is wearing masks. There is no need to remove this mask. But if you get too used to it, at some point you forget that you’re wearing a mask. You forget it. That’s what it means to be drunk.
The director looked at my face carefully.
His eyes were searching to see if I was following the story.
-Imagine it once. If I get annoyed in front of you, what will you think?
-Uh, today is a stressful day for the director… ?
-huh. That’s right.
The director smiled bitterly.
-sorry. I do that sometimes.
He said that about once a month.
-Anyway, the important thing is that I am a person who gets annoyed with you sometimes, and you know that very well. Do you understand? I am that kind of person. you know me
But, said the director.
-What if I were the one who always loved you? What would it be like if I were someone who always tells you, “I love you,” smiles, says, “You are the joy of my life,” and hugs you, saying, “There’s nothing I care more about than you.” What would happen if I were that kind of person and got annoyed with you about once a year?
The director shook his head.
-Then you start thinking like this. [Why is the director angry at us?] I don’t understand. Because you will think that I am the person who loves you the most.
[Why is the director angry when he says he loves us the most?]
-…….
-You are still young. So in the end, I can only think of the easiest answer. [Oh, I guess I did something wrong].
The director shuddered slightly.
-Even if I get annoyed only once a year, Confucius. look. 10 times over 10 years. Even if you only remember half of the 10 times, it’s number 5. And the five memories are more than enough to determine a person’s personality.
And the director was silent for a while.
-Don’t do that.
The director muttered.
-Remember me as a person who gets stressed and irritated easily. Think of him as someone who doesn’t even bother to throw a birthday party. That’s the truth. Don’t blame yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t be fooled by a guy like me.
-…….
-You can become strong. I want to become a strong person as much as possible.
In the director’s office, A4 paper copied by a printer was stuck on the wall. It was hanging right across from the director’s desk, and it is often seen as a background. It is something that is always there, like the pattern of wallpaper or the texture of flooring.
But that day, I especially glanced at the A4 paper.
+
I want everyone to be able to enjoy a decent life
Based on the belief in human dignity and social justice,
We work with individuals, families, groups, organizations, communities, and the entire society.
I always stand on the side of those who are marginalized and suffering.
Protecting their human rights and interests
Reject social injustice and injustice,
Put public interest ahead of personal interest.
By adhering to the social worker code of ethics,
I dedicate myself as a social worker with morality and responsibility.
I hereby solemnly swear upon my honor, of my own free will.
+
I looked at the director.
-…….
The director looked into space silently, as if he was lost in thought.
black eyes.
Those eyes remain in my memory.
2.
“sorry. Raviel. “I can’t leave school with you today.”
I came out to the school gate and spoke.
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“hmm.”
Raviel looked at me. Raviel’s gaze slowly lowered.
My hand was there. Someone else’s hand, not mine, was also being held.
“…….”
It was the hand of the Constellation Killer.
The Constellation Killer was dragged here by my hand. He didn’t ask why I was holding his hand or where he was leading me.
Just quietly lower your head.
“… … My boyfriend shows strange behavior sometimes. The ability to act is almost uncanny. “I think that side of my boyfriend is amazing.”
Raviel muttered.
“do whatever you want. Follow your heart. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Not yet. But, if it happens, I’ll tell you right away.”
“I will believe it. always.”
Raviel kissed my forehead. And without hesitation, he turned his back and got into the limousine. The limousine was driven by a butler who resembled an imperial chamberlain, and disappeared across the road.
“Okay, then.”
I looked back at the Constellation Killer.
“let’s go.”
“… … “Where?”
“To your house.”
“…….”
The Constellation Killer hesitated for the first time. He seemed fed up. But my thoughts were firm. I planned to visit the Constellation Killer’s parents first and offer them an apology.
‘I don’t know where to start unraveling the thread.’
Of course, apologizing won’t end this [trauma]. There is no way it can be resolved. As the difficulty level increased, it seemed like the trauma itself became a stage that had to be resolved.
‘For now, let’s do what we can one by one.’
As always.
However, my attempts to resolve the trauma were thwarted from the start.
“… … “It’s here.”
I was speechless when I saw the [home] the Constellation Killer guided me to.
It was a garbage dump.
Below the foot of the mountain. There was an empty lot in a place thick with pine trees. That vacant lot was the city’s small trash can. Plastic bottles, dirty Styrofoam, and wads of paper discarded by city residents were piled up in a messy manner.
There was a shack in the middle of it.
[■■ lives in a garbage dump. All slippers and school uniforms are recycled. There is only one piece of trash that cannot be recycled, and that is ■■.]
My head was pounding.
I thought it was just a message mixed with malicious intent.
Bastards.
“What about your parents? Do you work?”
The shack was not a sanctuary but a place of refuge. The wall did not reach the roof, so there was a huge gap. The roof was covered with gray vinyl.
“My father collects junk and sells it.”
Plastic waste surrounded the shack like a moat. The plastic surrounding the shack had its label torn, unlike other trash around it.
It was clean.
Perhaps because of this, the shack seemed to be floating on the white plastic sand.
“What about your mother?”
“no.”
“…….”
okay.
“Is ■■ your friend?”
After waiting for two hours, the Constellation Killer’s father returned home. He was a poor man. However, he was a person who was weighed down by life more than poverty. I knew it as soon as I saw it.
A small single room.
Sometimes, when I looked in the mirror, I did that.
“no. “Not a friend.”
“hmm…?”
The old man narrowed his eyebrows. He looked very old for someone who had a child in high school.
He resembles the face of the old boatman whom I had a traumatized glimpse of in [The Annals of the Heavenly Demon].
“I am the one who hit and bullied this child.”
“Umm… ?”
The old man blinked blankly.
“…….”
I realized this within a minute of starting a conversation with the old man.
‘late.’
It’s already too late.
The old man in front of me was already worn out and had no will to burn his heart. Unlike me when I lived in a single room. That was the difference between me and this man back then.
It was unclear where the difference came from.
“Here is the evidence. If you look at your phone, you will see texts. If you look at this… … .”
Only one thing is certain.
This man does not have the power to take responsibility for the Constellation Killer.
“Hmm.”
I showed everything I could right away. Seeing the scene of hell that his child was enduring, the old man blinked, blinked, and closed his eyes.
“I see… .”
The old man just stared at me. That was all.
As soon as I finished speaking, the old man stopped arguing. It felt as if the conversation had ended. The old man just waited to see if I had anything more to say, and if I didn’t, he waited as if he had nothing else to say.
He seemed to have nothing to say to me.
‘hmm.’
I looked for signs of the Constellation Killer. The Constellation Killer was not looking at his father. His face didn’t look shocked or insulted by the conversation that had just taken place. Expressionless. The Constellation Killer was sitting quietly on the floor.
It seems as if things are happening naturally.
‘okay.’
That’s it.
“There were a lot of rude examples.”
I stood up and bowed towards the old man.
“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to stay with you for a while. I would like to invite you to my house. “Is that okay?”
“Sure… .”
It was clear that the old man did not understand what I said. He was helpless. However, I explained it several times, not just for the old man but for the Constellation Killer.
“You might be staying at my house for a bit longer. A week, a month. Maybe it could be longer than that. I will visit you every weekend and Saturday evening to tell you how your child is doing. father. “Is that okay?”
“okay. “Sure.”
good.
I looked back at the Constellation Killer.
“let’s go.”
“…….”
“Take care of what you need. “Like I told your father, you might stay at my house for a while.”
The Constellation Killer glanced up at me.
“What are we going to do now?”
What came out of the Constellation Killer’s mouth was not a respectful word.
“You’re planning to marry a rich girl, so are you going to wash your past? Are you afraid there will be problems later? Smart.”
My heart throbbed.
“Or is this also a new game? If you want to play, just say you want to play. Tell me what the game is. Don’t bother doing this. I’ll play with you again. Should we go to the school playground at night?”
The Constellation Killer’s voice was blunt. There were no curves at all. That was the voice spoken the day before by a person who chose to fall to his death.
“I’m sorry.”
“it’s crazy? You’re crazy. Gongja Kim.”
“Give me just one day. please. I will do anything. Please bear with me for one more day.”
“…….”
For me, it was one of the many days I will live in the future, but for the person in front of me, it was the last day.
I couldn’t help but wish desperately. I had no choice but to ask. There was nothing I could do except hope and pray.
“do it yourself… … . “As you wish.”
The Constellation Killer muttered as if he were tired.
I grabbed the Constellation Killer’s wrist and headed toward [home]. In order to find a path I didn’t know, I had to go through the school. We arrived at the residential area only after the sunset had set and the sky was dark.
“Please wait here for a moment.”
“I’ll be back soon. Within 20 minutes. “Can you please wait in the meantime?”
“I told you to do whatever you want… .”
I left the Constellation Killer on the side of the road and headed home first.
“oh.”
Bae Hu-ryeong was out in the yard. Bae Hu-ryeong must have been watching the night sky alone when he raised a glass of whiskey.
“Are you here, son? It’s a little late today. Haha. Surely it’s not too late to have fun just because you have a girlfriend? I’ll tell you in advance, but start dating seriously after you graduate from high school. “Nothing good will come from stepping on the speed pedal when it comes to relationships between people.”
Geomje. my partner
The person who taught me how to look forward.
In this world, my
“father.”
“… … ok?”
Bae Hu-ryeong blinked.
“Oh, is that strange? what? It’s a little strange to be called father by you. It’s not just a little strange, it’s very awkward… . It’s awkward, like I’m about to get skinny. this. Uh huh, is it because you’re so drunk?”
“father.”
I called him again.
“You couldn’t have raised me like this.”
“what?”
“The father I know is a great person. He’s a scary person. He seems like a self-absorbed psychopath, and although he has some aspects of him, he at least makes sure to end at the point where he thinks [this is not the case].”
Bae Hu-ryeong furrowed his eyebrows.
“What are you talking about…? , son?”
“If you were my father, there would be no way I would grow up to be a bully. You may have to go astray. But before it goes astray, you have to grab it. “They will bring me back even if it means killing me halfway.”
You are that kind of person.
“What’s more, I’m bullying a weak child… It even drove her to commit suicide. “That.”
『I heard there are a lot of people making a fuss about that, but don’t worry about it.』
『Things that can’t even be heard in front of you are making a fuss with just your fingers.』
『Eng. Those guys should have all their fingers cut off.』
“There’s no way you could say it like that. You simply aren’t capable of that. “You are the one who sees someone suffering and vows to teach them how to be happy.”
“…….”
“I am the type of person you despise the most. There is no way you would affectionately call a person like that your “son.” It’s impossible. “This is an impossible world.”
Silence fell into the night sky.
In the yard where I couldn’t hear a single insect, I looked straight at Bae Hu-ryeong.
And said.
“You are not a Geomje.”
“…….”
“Get lost. “In front of my eyes, right now.”
That moment.
-■■■■■.
Bae Hu-ryeong’s body collapsed.
My skin was flowing. My bones melted. Everything that made up the fabric evaporated. When I close my eyes and open them, there is something indecipherable. There was only a flaccid shadow, like a ghost.
-■■■■, ■■….
I couldn’t understand what it was saying. I couldn’t even recognize its face. However, I knew that was the bare face that [my father] had.
It was the bare face of this world.
“…….”
I passed by Bae Hu-ryeong and entered the house.
“Welcome. Confucius.”
Master was sitting on the living room sofa.
With a face and figure I thought I would never see again.
“Was school okay today, my son?”
Master was smiling softly.
etc,
