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Episode 397 92. Despair (4)
“Smile… … .”
What kind of expression am I making right now? Lee Seong-min could tell without looking in the mirror.
Tears were flowing non-stop, and the muscles on my face were twitching as if I was having a spasm.
“that is… … It can’t be… … There isn’t one… … .”
Even when Gwangcheonma died and when Sima Lianju died.
Seongmin Lee always felt this way. He thought he never wanted to feel like this again.
Even though a lot of time has passed since then and many events have happened, I always feel terrible when I think of their deaths.
Why couldn’t I do anything?
Why was I helpless?
Why am I, why am I the only one alive like this?
I built hatred in despair, shame, and regret.
“you… … no… … .”
My voice was shaking. I had no choice but to admit it. That was also natural.
Better than Gwangcheonma, better than Sima Lienju. Lee Seong-min cherished his relationship with Heo Joo.
Since meeting Heo Joo in Sleeping Forest, he has always been connected to Lee Seong-min’s consciousness.
What Lee Sung-min sees and feels, Heo Joo also felt everything.
Heo Ju felt the worries that Seong-min Lee had that he could not share with others and gave him advice.
Heo Joo was a friend who understood everything about Lee Seong-min and stayed by his side without leaving.
He was a teacher who pointed out Lee Seong-min’s shortcomings and comforted his fragile spirit.
He was also a father who knew Lee Sung-min better than anyone else and sympathized with him.
“no.”
Heoju shook his head.
“I have to go. Because I have no choice but to go. For you, for me. There is no point in you begging me not to leave now. There is a difference between being late and being early, and at most it is only a little bit late.”
“which… … “There must be some other way.”
“No, there is none.”
Heoju declared. He gestured to the landscape of consciousness. The world, which had been difficult to see due to the thick fog, was now quite visible.
Seongmin Lee’s shoulders were shaking and shaking. I understood. Originally, this world was a white, foggy world with nothing in it.
And as Heo Joo disappears… … The world was fading away.
“don’t cry.”
Heoju spoke again.
“Don’t you know that there is nothing you can do about it? too… … It’s old. “It should have disappeared 10 years ago.”
Lee Seong-min covered his face with both hands.
In a short moment, I thought a lot. I understand that things cannot be helped.
What if Heoju’s soul is transferred to another body?
It’s impossible.
He asked if he would try it with Aine’s empty body, but Heoju said that such a thing was impossible.
“There is no way for me to remain in any form any longer.”
Heoju, who felt Lee Sungmin’s feelings, said with a chuckle.
“I didn’t want to take on the body of a girl… … “There’s just no way.”
“… … okay.”
Don’t cry, smile.
Lee Seong-min muttered that to himself. He understood and was convinced that there was nothing he could do.
Then I had to laugh. If this moment was my last time with Heo Joo, I should have smiled and not cried like he wanted.
He covered his face with both hands.
I continued to rub away the tears that fell without stopping. I strengthened my twitching cheek muscles.
I forced the corner of my mouth that was drooping and trembling upward.
“You’re so f*cking ugly.”
Heo Joo looked down at Lee Seong-min and laughed. Lee Seong-min felt that smile trembling.
Even though he was pretending to be brazen, laughing and making fun of himself, Heoju was also shaken.
Seongmin Lee stumbled and got up. He took deep breaths and tried to calm his emotions. It didn’t work out. The tears I had wiped away flowed again.
“Stop squeezing.”
“… … That can’t be happening… … .”
Seongmin Lee answered in a weak voice. Heoju disappears. An uninvited guest who had occupied a corner of the ceremony for over a dozen years disappears.
From now on, there will be no need to be conscious of Heoju’s presence and feel embarrassed when thinking or doing something.
You won’t have to look to Heo Joo for advice and comfort every time you feel despair.
There is no need to try to ignore Heo Joo’s nonsense.
It was terrible.
Every time you lose someone and become alone… … .
In fact, Seongmin Lee was not alone. Whenever that happened, Heo Joo was always by Lee Seong-min’s side.
But not from now on. Now, Lee Seong-min is truly alone.
I’m afraid of that.
I felt like my mind was breaking. The reason he didn’t despair until now wasn’t because Lee Seong-min’s spirit was particularly strong.
It was because I was confident that I would not be alone even in that hopeless situation.
Don’t despair. This was because there was always Heoju who spoke to me from deep within my consciousness.
“From now on, you are alone.”
Heoju said.
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Lee Seong-min forced a smile.
“You may have someone by your side, but in the end you end up alone. Like this old man… … “In your head, there is no one who swears at you, jokes with you, listens to you.”
“know.”
Seongmin Lee took a deep breath. He wiped away his tears once again. As he fully accepted everything, strangely enough the tears stopped flowing.
Heo Joo looked at Lee Sung Min’s face and looked relieved. He looked down at his half-disappeared body.
“I have lived a long time.”
I was born as an unremarkable southern monster. Most of his life was a fight, and in such fights, He Ju always survived, won, and ate his opponents.
Its power grew, and at some point, the monster named Heoju was called the Nightmare of the South.
Even the mighty Vampire Queen did not dare to face Heoju, and the Predator, gathered together with countless strangers, did not invade Heoju’s territory.
Even the dragons that remained in the world at that time did not fly through Heju Forest.
“I lived a long time and experienced a lot. I also experienced various joys. but… … “I enjoyed the ten years I spent with you with just my soul more than when I lived with my own body.”
Heo Joo said that with sincerity.
“If I had met you when I was alive, well… … I probably wouldn’t have become as close to you or valued you as I do now. I was a bit of a mess back then. “The reason why your personality died like this is because the body disappeared and only the soul remained, parasitic on your consciousness and understanding you a lot.”
After saying that, Heoju burst out laughing.
“If this old man had met you before, he would have killed you with a single punch, calling you a bastard.”
“know.”
It was half joking, half serious. Lee Seong-min smiled at those words. His mind was empty.
Even at this moment, Heo Ju’s body was continuing to disappear, and the fog that had filled the world of consciousness was thinning.
“It was nice meeting you.”
Heoju said.
“I’m glad it was an idiot like you that got me connected. I liked it because you weren’t perfect. “I liked it because you were a guy full of inferiority complex.”
I was reminded of Sima Lianju’s words that a person who works hard is good.
“you… … “He was my friend, teacher, and father.”
“That guy is threatening to dip me in a bucket of shit?”
“That’s separate.”
“Hahaha! A dog like a dog. Let’s promise this one thing. Later, I mean… … If the fight with Jennyella is over. You too, go into the poop and come out. “I want you to feel how this old man felt.”
“okay. “I promise.”
Heoju looked surprised, as if he didn’t expect Lee Seong-min to answer without thinking. He blinked his eyes and laughed out loud.
“Yes, I promised. Later you… … If you ever come to this old man’s place, tell him how he felt. “It would be a good story to share with drinks.”
Heo Joo said that and raised his head. He looked over Lee Seong-min’s shoulder and saw a single road leading far away. He looked straight at it and spoke to Lee Seong-min.
“Do not despair.”
Heoju took a step.
“Don’t break it.”
The walking didn’t stop.
“Don’t die. You made a promise to this old man. “I will definitely come to the world where I am someday.”
Heo Joo passed by Lee Seong-min. Lee Seong-min pressed his hand to his chest as his emotions surged.
The fog that was filling the world of consciousness gathers in one place. Fog enveloped Heoju’s body.
He was walking towards an unknown place. Lee Seong-min, standing behind Heo Joo, saw the faint single path he was heading towards.
“It was nice meeting you.”
Lee Seong-min muttered to Heo-ju’s back in a trembling voice. At those words, Heoju laughed, shaking her shoulders.
“my… … “Meeting you, who was my friend, teacher, and father.”
Seongmin Lee tried to walk toward Heoju’s back without even realizing it. At that moment, Heoju shook his head.
“Don’t come.”
Seongmin Lee’s feet stopped.
“You shouldn’t come here yet. What needs to be done… … There are a lot, right? He said he had never been happy. Right now, I’m having a hard time in a dog-eat-dog world, but someday… … If it all ends. “It won’t be too late to enjoy it.”
“I… … “Can I go?”
Will that day ever come? At that question, Heoju let out a loud laugh.
“Of course you can come. “This old man believes in you.”
The road seems far away.
Heoju’s back is visible in the distance as he approaches that path.
Seongmin Lee raised his hand and extended it towards Heoju. Many things were visible. Lee Sung-min couldn’t tell what kind of expression Heo-ju was making right now, but he could tell his expression.
A smile full of anticipation. He Ju was heading towards the road, and King Chang and Sima Lian Ju were walking along that road.
Seongmin Lee felt his heart tremble and closed his eyes. He thought he had finally wiped away his tears, but they were flowing again.
“Be well.”
Heoju spread his arms. Before he knew it, he had a new arm. Seongmin Lee felt Heoju’s presence disappearing from his consciousness.
At this moment, he was heading towards a wider and new world, not this small world of consciousness.
“See you later.”
Tears blurred my vision. Lee Seong-min saw Heo-ju shaking in tears.
The collected fog disperses. It no longer obscured the landscape of the world of consciousness and completely disappeared.
Heoju, now bare, put his feet out towards the road. Heoju’s body shook greatly.
As if it were not there, as if it were not there.
Like a ghost.
Like the name Heoju (虛主).
“Hahahaha!”
A loud laugh shook the world of consciousness. A storm arose. The fog dispersed in all directions.
The shape of the single road came to mind clearly. After stepping foot at the beginning of the road, Heo Ju no longer cared about what was behind him.
He truly believed it. Someday, Lee Seong-min will definitely come to this world.
It will never die, despair or break.
Heoju believed it.
That’s why I don’t look back. I’m not even conscious of it. I don’t even have regrets. He’s a guy I’ll meet someday, so what’s wrong with him?
“Ha ha ha ha ha!”
After hundreds of years, his soul was free. Even though the body disappeared a long time ago, that had no meaning in this world.
The pantheon these monsters reached was a place where life and death were meaningless. Heoju felt a thrilling sense of liberation and strengthened her legs as she stepped on the beginning of the road.
He started running down the winding single road, bursting into laughter.
Faster than those who walk slowly, faster than those who crawl, faster than those who rest, faster than anyone else.
Heo Joo’s feelings become distant.
Heo Joo’s laughter fades away.
It was a smile without regret.
I didn’t feel the slightest resentment. Hanging on was ugly and selfish. She knew there was nothing she could do.
Although Heo Joo was sad, I also understood that he had been hoping for a day like this. Seongmin Lee looked around at the empty world.
The world where the fog disappeared was filled with chaos. All kinds of memories were mixed together and Lee Seong-min felt empty. He followed the figure of Heoju, who had been seen in the distance and was now invisible.
“… … okay.”
Heoju did not disappear. Lee Seong-min undoubtedly saw the world that He Ju went to, and that Sima Lianju and King Chang went to.
Maybe someday, Lee Seong-min will be able to go to that world too. Therefore, we should not feel sad that Heo Ju has disappeared.
Because he went to the other world by his own will, he neither died nor disappeared.
Because the laughter he burst out at the end was full of liberation and joy.
I’m fine. Because it seemed like he was saying that.
So, I’m fine too.
You have to make it okay.
Seongmin Lee slowly turned around.
In order to keep my promise to Heo Joo.
fantasy,
