Episode 46
He separated himself from ‘Chief Lee Jae-heon’ in the novel.
‘Actually, I didn’t intend to separate them so completely, but I had no choice.’
Since the protagonist noticed that he was used to pain, a new setting had to be added to avoid destroying the setting.
So, the ‘Chief Lee Jae-heon’ up until now became fake, and naturally, Lee Jae-heon became an actor with a double personality. In short, it was a story that there was a ‘real Chief Lee Jae-heon’ separate from the one he had shown so far.
And Lee Jae-heon chose ‘title’ as evidence.
‘Mr. Jeong In-ho.’
Said.
When using this title and honorifics, Lee Jae-heon was ‘real’.
To create this evidence, Lee Jae-heon often used honorifics that were not appropriate. When the protagonist tried to poke him in his sore spot to see how he would react, when he barely escaped from the monster and was exhausted to the point of death, when he had a heartfelt conversation that should not be heard by others, he temporarily used honorifics.
‘Of course, that doesn’t mean that I’m completely fake when I don’t use honorifics.’
In the first place, his fundamental attitude toward the group changed after he entered the other world, so I think he must have started to act and reveal his true feelings little by little since then. Even that was too much for Chief Lee Jae-heon to be dismissed as fake.
Perhaps the protagonist would have driven Jae-heon Lee based on such contradictions, and expected the ‘truth’ to come out of his mouth.
So what’s important is,
‘What exactly will be established as that ‘truth’?’
What will this setting show and what can be achieved?
This was something I had to be very careful about. What kind of image should I have to approach them with? What should I make the main character think of me? If he is the main character, we are supporting actors, and everyone in the world is an extra.
If this world is a novel, what role should Jaeheon Lee himself play to the readers?
‘For now, it’s comfortable to have one foot in the villain role.’
It’s simple logic.
Since the main character is a good character, all of their group are good people. However, this good people have many restrictions on their actions and there are many things to take care of. Especially, people like Lee Jae-heon who are inherently evil are not compatible from the start, so they will only cause stress to each other.
However, if he is a villain or neutral, Lee Jae-heon’s scope of action will inevitably expand. Wouldn’t the work that can be recognized as ‘a person who is not inherently bad’ rather than ‘a good person’ also become more diverse?
‘But then out of nowhere, I got my personality boosted…’
There was no way around it.
There is no other way than to hit him in the back of the head at the right time and create a more suitable situation with the right amount of betrayal. If he continues with the image he has set now, he will have to live like a fool for the rest of his life, and that is definitely not what Jae-heon Lee wants.
‘Anyway, if we meet the survivor team led by Detective Hong Kyung-jun, there will inevitably be conflict.’
Since it had come to this, it didn’t seem like a bad idea to draw as much aggro as possible.
As you deal with the serial killer hiding among the survivors, your character will naturally be revealed… .
‘It might be a good idea to occasionally create cheap situations in preparation for that time.’
This means that the reaction among the group should be ‘Somehow’ rather than ‘Why on earth?’
However, that doesn’t mean he should appear to be a complete villain. He may not be able to receive even a shred of affection, but he should be able to gain complete trust, and for that, he should show at least a minimal amount of humanity.
‘This has already been prescribed medicine.’
Lee Jae-heon nodded inwardly.
In order to avoid excessive contempt or disgust, Lee Jae-heon maintained the basic ethics that a human being in this world can take care of. This is by showing that he values life and treats minors preferentially.
However, in this case, his mental world had to be revealed in advance so that there would be no contradiction in his actions. In the future, there would be something that would openly break someone’s head, and in order to avoid the contradiction that would arise at that time, Lee Jae-heon created the setting of a ‘survivor of the other world’. In the other world where survival is the top priority, no one with any plausible ethics can have completely clean hands in order to survive.
‘There’s a reason they say self-defense.’
This setting was good for eliciting empathy or sympathy from people. I didn’t particularly want to be categorized as an underdog, but I needed someone to applaud my evil deeds and say that they were deserved.
‘So if we add all of this up… .’
Lee Jae-heon is a survivor of the other world.
He had the ethics to sacrifice himself for the elderly and those within his fence, but he survived in the other world. It means that he tried everything he could to survive.
However, he was the only one who survived among those who were eaten at the time, and from that experience, the concept of life and death inevitably became ambiguous. Nevertheless, in reality, he lived by acting as ‘Chief Lee Jae-heon’ to avoid being branded a mentally ill person.
‘If I reveal my true self, everyone will point fingers and say I’m crazy.’
People who haven’t experienced the other world can’t understand Jaeheon Lee.
He lost a lot of his humanity in his survival, but he just learned it again, and he has lived that way up until now. How frustrating and scary it must be for such a person to be eaten by the other world once again. To him, the other world was trauma itself.
In reality, he was lonely enough, and in the other world, he felt nauseous. Naturally, Lee Jae-heon was insensitive to emotional stimulation and could not help but feel chronically tired.
He chewed over the information slowly.
‘Somewhere between villain and neutral.’
‘The only survivor of the other world who is so cruel that it makes the main characters shiver.’
‘An actor with a split personality, but also a mentally ill person who is exhausted.’
So, ‘Lee Jae-heon’ has this kind of setting and personality… .
‘…aid.’
That’s how the roles were decided.
In this novel, he had to become the protagonist’s assistant.
* * *
“If you have something to say, say it now. Don’t beat around the bush.”
“… … .”
“I think Mr. Jeong In-ho also thought that if not now, there would be no other chance to bring up the topic.”
The protagonist, an ordinary office worker, is suddenly dropped into an unfamiliar world one day.
It certainly had a structure similar to the reality the protagonist lived in, but the atmosphere was completely different. You couldn’t find a place where there weren’t hideous monsters, and they were always looking to take our lives.
But fortunately, or perhaps strangely, the person he had thought of as the old-fashioned leader went ahead to protect and lead the group. He suffered numerous injuries in the process, but he did not show it, and the protagonist recalled the brief discomfort he had shown in reality before falling into this world.
“Why, is it burdensome?”
“…maybe.”
One thing I learned then.
The protagonist felt that the attitude of the doctor, one of the group, was somewhat similar to that of the manager.
The doctor knew about this world. He called it the other world and showed incomprehensible calm. The old chief realized that he was actually a survivor of the other world and that the sense of discomfort he often felt was based on this.
Now that we had just the right number of people left, it was time to see if our guess was correct… .
‘in.’
That must be the situation.
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If this is a novel that returns to the protagonist’s point of view.
Of course, Lee Jae-heon didn’t know exactly whether those were really the thoughts and situations. However, he was half-confident, and before this scene ended, Lee Jae-heon had to let them know that he was an ‘assistant’ who could disappear at any time.
‘The one who leads the situation is the main character, Jeong In-ho.’
“… If you want to know something, it would be better to ask quickly.”
“… … .”
“I plan to keep quiet again when the group returns.”
He was just a senior who had experienced the other world a little earlier, and he would rather throw himself into saving people than actively reveal his past.
Then, the question of ‘why?’ arises here. Why didn’t Chief Lee Jae-heon reveal his past to others? Why did Chief Lee Jae-heon act like that, even at the risk of being called an old fart?
Why Chief Lee Jae-heon, why Chief Lee Jae-heon….
‘He’s already a very thoughtful person, so there’s probably more things he’s curious about.’
It’s so hard to make a living.
He gave up briefly.
It was for the sake of his future and his pride that would be ruined by that disgusting subordinate and his future antics.
‘Anyway, you smart kid, keep living like that from now on.’
And Lee Jae-heon had to firmly establish his image in this smart chick. In terms of position, he had to be someone who was ‘a main character but whose past was not resolved’ or ‘had a lot to hide but was trustworthy in terms of business’.
However, because he was so absent-minded, he made mistakes here and there, and his image became distorted, and Lee Jae-heon had to somehow find a new role by gradually untangling these parts.
He calmly waited for the protagonist’s next line.
“…Do you remember what we talked about before you were dragged away by the monster?”
It was a shallow trap.
‘I guess that’s a question that takes into account the fact that I’m not real.’
The group that returned alive and well in a situation where it would not have been strange at all if they had died was worthy of suspicion. The protagonist, who was already very thoughtful, could not have missed this point, and through this question, he confirmed whether he was the same person as before he was taken away.
He nodded slowly, thinking that if he delayed here, he would arouse unnecessary suspicion and cause headaches.
“I said I would tell you if you wanted.”
“What?”
“Well, why did you ask me why I was weird?”
Lee Jae-heon let out a tired laugh.
It was a tired, self-deprecating laugh, one that was as close to a sigh as possible.
“… It’s a headache.”
“Why?”
“People like Mr. Jeong In-ho don’t easily trust guys like me.”
“… … .”
“That’s why I’ve always had a headache. Ever since you joined the company… .”
He wiped the small arsenic from his face again.
“… It was hard.”
I’m serious.
I’m really, really serious.
‘You wouldn’t even notice, what is this…?’
The current Lee Jae-heon was not particularly perceptive. However, he understood my swearing like a ghost, and as a result, he had to clash with Manager Jeong In-ho countless times, who only had about 50% intention of hiding his contempt.
Anyone who thought that a disobedient little ant was their direct subordinate would feel pain in their back.
‘I wish you’d just say ‘I’m sorry’ with a cowering face since you’re not really trying to get a proper answer… But that’s not the kind of thing the main character would do.’
Of course, the word ‘it was hard’ that I just mentioned probably didn’t mean that in that sense.
He said with a low breath.
“Just tell me. I’m already tired, so why are you having to fight over my wits?”
“I know what you’re going to ask.”
“It’s obvious. Why are people so crazy? Why have they been sitting around managing their image like that until now? Why…?”
“… … .”
“…ah.”
A faint exclamation suddenly escaped.
Lee Jae-heon calmly turned his gaze to the doctor as if he had noticed something, and Dr. Ha Seong-yoon responded with his characteristically gentle smile. He nodded slowly as if that was the answer.
In it, Lee Jae-heon added a little resignation.
“It was strange.”
“… … .”
“Who are you?”
“…Who are you?”
“That crazy guy.”
He added:
“Aren’t you around? Suddenly, out of nowhere, a crazy guy.”
“… … .”
“그래서 선생님을 이 안까지 모시고 온 개새끼가… 아마 있을 텐데요.”
The doctor’s face hardened at those words.
I don’t know if it was because he was insulting his friend, or because Jae-heon Lee knew something he had never told me. But I thought it was more likely the latter. If they were that close, Dr. Ha Seong-yoon would have died long ago.
Lee Jae-heon continued speaking, wiping the corner of his mouth.
“Sometimes. At some point, they are dragged in under the pretext of understanding, and then they die like that… .”
“… … .”
“Excuse me.”
At the end of his speech, Lee Jae-heon took his hand away from his mouth, and there was a faint trace of old joy in his smile. It was probably not a smile that would make one look sane.
At this point, Lee Jae-heon decided to hand over the initiative again.
“So, what are you curious about?”
“… You know more in detail than I thought.”
“If you know this too, then you’ll be fine.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that I have a headache right now and I think I’m going to die.”
The protagonist then shut his mouth and quickly wiped all expression from his face. Lee Jae-heon couldn’t help but feel admiration at the sudden and creepy change.
After a brief wait, the protagonist’s voice came out.
“What do you know?”
“… … .”
“What do you know, like that… .”
The disgusting thing continued to speak.
“Are you crazy?”
“… … .”
At that, I couldn’t help but burst out laughing.
“…under.”
It was a mockery aimed at no one.
‘You’re crazy.’
Those words were a little sad and regrettable.
In the world I remember, I lived with a slightly bad temper, but I never heard anyone call me crazy to my face. But in this world, I hear people call me a madman. It was so strange and chilling that my senses naturally became dull. For a moment, I felt breathless.
Lee Jae-heon gently expressed his feelings. No matter how I felt, these feelings were not so unnatural in context, so it was not a bad choice to show the psychology I had already developed.
He lightly stroked his neck.
“… … .”
The hardened blood breaks into small pieces and reaches the end.
Rustling, blocking my ears and squeezing my breathing. I picture the peace of the person who was about to face the end in both eyes. But now, I am honoring that moment, not knowing when I will be able to receive it again, and I cannot help but realize.
“Because my life is always terrible.”
He would never be able to love something in his entire life.
“…what….”
“… … .”
“It seems like everyone knows, so it would be funny to hide it. Okay.”
He continued speaking like that.
“I have been to this world before.”
