◈ Episode 316: Road in the Darkness (3)
Rudgar opened his closed eyes.
I looked up and saw the surrounding landscape.
Reference books and books, open workbooks and even pencils.
‘This place.’
It was the moment when Rudger tried to feel something strange in a familiar landscape.
“Are you awake? You must be tired.”
The boy turned his head at the voice he heard from behind.
your own small room.
Someone was sitting on the bed there.
A man in his mid-30s who has a weak impression but has a benevolent atmosphere.
As soon as the boy saw him, he muttered involuntarily.
“father.”
“father? Hey, my son is all grown up. I don’t even call you dad anymore. So, are your studies going well?”
Looking at the reference book spread out on his desk, the boy belatedly was able to recall what the situation was.
I fell asleep while studying.
“Yes, what. I am just working hard.”
“okay. My son wants to become a doctor or scientist, and as his family, we should support him. Take it easy, though. I’m afraid I’ll harm your health by working too hard.”
“no. I just dozed off.”
Making an excuse that wasn’t an excuse like that, I held the pencil in my hand again.
In order not to miss the first place in the upcoming exam, I had no intention of resting even on the weekends.
The boy, who was trying to solve the problem with his eyes fixed on the workbook, realized something was strange.
Why did I want to study
A trivial question suddenly arises.
It was something he didn’t even have to think about, but strangely, the boy found himself desperately searching for the correct answer.
okay. There was something I wanted to achieve.
The reason he studied so hard was because of his dream.
‘But the reason I had that dream… … .’
Took.
The pencil fell from the boy’s hand and rolled across the desk.
Even as it rolled to the floor, the boy didn’t think to catch it.
“I see.”
The boy got up from his chair and looked back at his father.
“It was a dream.”
“… … .”
My father nodded his head with a benevolent smile.
The boy looked at his father like that and moved his lips to say something.
But in the end, it dispersed like smoke in my mouth without being able to verbalize it.
The boy bit his lip and slowly headed towards the door.
And the moment I put my hand on the doorknob, my father asked.
“Are you going?”
“yes.”
The boy answered with his gaze fixed on the doorknob.
“There is a guy who needs help. So I have to go.”
“I see.”
The boy said so, but couldn’t bear to open the door.
perhaps.
Perhaps he was hoping that his father would tell him to stay with him a little longer.
If it’s any good, let’s talk.
Since it’s a dream, isn’t it okay to do that?
The hand holding the doorknob loosened.
“Father, I… … .”
“Go.”
The boy’s eyes widened at those words.
I looked back at my father with trembling pupils.
My father was looking at me with a proud expression.
The sight made the boy realize.
unfinished story.
I didn’t have to do it from scratch.
The hand holding the doorknob regained strength.
“yes. Let’s go.”
The boy opened the door wide.
A pure white space where nothing could be seen spread out, but I took a step without hesitation.
There was no need to say goodbye.
I’ve heard enough already.
The appearance of his childhood has changed to that of Ludger Celisch.
* * *
In the pitch-black darkness where nothing can be seen.
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The endless abyss of the unconscious.
The bottom of that distant void was filled with bright red flowers.
The red flowers were beautiful, but they gave off an eerie feeling as if they were soaked in blood.
Flora was lying down in the flower field.
“Mmm.”
Flora opened her eyes.
Raising her upper body, she looked around.
“here is… … ?”
The hazy eyes soon regained their light.
Realizing what had just happened, Flora put one hand on her forehead.
‘okay. I’m sure then… … .’
Something like black mist squeezed through the cracks in the ground and flowed out.
When it made up its mind and tried to target Rinne, she stepped forward instead and blocked the attack.
And after being swallowed up by the fog, the vision is blackened.
When I opened my eyes, it was here.
“No one!”
Flora stood up and shouted.
But there was no voice coming back.
Flora started walking.
A field of red flowers in a dark world.
I wanted to escape as quickly as possible from this monotonous and creepy world made of only red and black.
“Are there any people there?”
I shouted louder, but I was only swallowed up in the endless darkness.
Not even an echo.
Flora had no idea how vast this place was.
wide. Perhaps this place was an infinite space with no end.
Suddenly, such anxiety passed through Flora’s mind.
What if I can’t get out of here forever?
Tadak!
Flora, in a hurry, ran over the flower field.
The feel of the red petals rustling my ankles was unpleasant.
It was as if an invisible hand was constantly teasing her ankle.
Wherever Flora passed, red petals fluttered and scattered through the air.
Flora cried as she ran.
who is not someone please help
How long did you have to keep running like that?
Flora, gasping for breath, eventually collapsed into her seat.
“Please, someone… … .”
I begged with a crying voice, but the world was still silent.
I know the truth.
That no one will come to help you.
Because he was a loner from the start.
The moment Flora accepted the fact that she had been denying until now, all motivation for Flora disappeared.
Flora sat down like a marionette puppet with a broken string and bowed her head.
no one comes to the rescue
No family, no friends, no one else.
okay. I didn’t know if it was better.
Even if there was someone like me, it wouldn’t help.
So I thought it was better to just disappear.
Staying here didn’t seem too bad.
You can’t meet people here.
That’s why there’s nothing to get hurt.
Tears ran down Flora’s cheeks.
A drop of tear formed on the tip of her chin and fell onto the red petals.
so slowly
Flora’s consciousness was immersed in the flower field and began to fade.
Flora’s body also became more and more transparent.
lost motivation. Consciousness disappearing.
The moment when Flora was about to turn off like a switch.
A small change took place in a world where there was only a field of red flowers.
Kwajik!
With the dull sound of hitting something hard with your fist.
A single ray of light obliquely illuminated the translucent Flora.
Flora raised her bowed head. Her empty eyes turned to the front.
There was a very small, fine crack in the black air.
The light that illuminated Flora was seeping through the crack.
Kwajik! Kwajijik!
The dull sound continued.
Gold began to spread widely like a net.
The larger the gap, the clearer the light that spilled out.
and.
The void is broken.
Black fragments flew like embers.
Beyond the completely shattered space was a pure white world made of light.
A man appeared on the flower field with his back to the dazzling light.
“ah… … .”
Flora’s pupils widened.
Her red lips quivered.
As if unable to believe the scene unfolding before her eyes, Flora spoke the name.
“Rudger, sir?”
“Flora Lumos.”
Rudgar stood up and faced Flora.
The complexion is pale, and the pupils have no light.
Above all, her body was becoming translucent.
But Flora was alive.
It was not too late.
“Why, why is the teacher here… … .”
“I’m here to help.”
“Are you helping? You mean me?”
Ludger nodded at Flora’s blank question.
She tried to say thank you, but Flora remembered her situation and bit her lip.
Turbulent with conflicting feelings of sadness and joy, she glared at Ludger.
“why. Are you going to pretend to be worried now?”
“… … .”
“I know everything. After all, the teacher has no interest in me, right? Just a very talented student, nothing more, nothing less.”
“Flora.”
“Why did you come? why! You should have abandoned me! Just like my family did to me! then. If only… … It wouldn’t have been so painful.”
Flora shouted, sharpening her blades like a porcupine full of thorns.
Rudger listened to Flora’s words in silence.
And when Flora lowered her voice, she cautiously opened her mouth.
“Flora. I will not deny the fact that I came to rescue you as a teacher.”
“… … Look at that.”
“But being a teacher is only a secondary reason. You are the real reason I came here. I came purely because I was worried about you.”
“… … Are you worried about me? under! nonsense.”
“I know you are having a hard time. I understand your position. Because I’ve been through something similar to you. So I couldn’t leave it alone.”
“Don’t lie!”
Flora thought that Rudger was lying on purpose to convince her.
Without doing so, there is no way you can say that you understand yourself.
Abandoned by family.
I was almost stigmatized at a young age for religious reasons.
Even if it was canceled, the memory of that day remained as an indelible scar.
But do you understand that?
Have you been through something similar?
What are you!
“What the hell does the teacher know about me! Do you understand? It can’t be! How hard I was! How painful it was!”
Flora vomited the darkness inside.
It was an act that would never have been seen normally, but Flora was not even aware of it.
“Sensei, do you know how it feels to be abandoned by your family?”
“… … Flora.”
“Don’t call me by my name in that voice!”
At the same time as Flora’s cry, the world began to vibrate.
Right after that, behind Flora, a black shadow slowly rose.
[okay. Flora hates it.]
A paper doll-like shape with a long upper body.
White eyes and a mouth appeared on the face of the shadow that shimmered like a haze.
Rudger, who recognized the guy’s true identity, narrowed his eyes.
“Basara.”
[surprised. I can’t believe there was magic that penetrated the abyss of the unconscious. But what if I regret it? Flora doesn’t want to go out.]
Rudger did not respond to Basara’s words.
Instead, he asked Flora.
“Flora. Are you really not going out?”
“If I say I’m leaving, what’s the difference? It’s all the same anyway. jealous time. contemptuous gaze. Even families who don’t approve… … . Nothing changes.”
“there is.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“He said that things will change.”
Flora licked her lips in silence at Ludger’s words, which were close to assertiveness.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You decide that.”
“It’s me who decides… … .”
Flora’s voice lost its strength.
Flora desperately wanted someone’s salvation.
I didn’t even know what I was expecting.
I want Rudger to tell me that he will help me in his stead, that he will protect me even when I go outside.
But Rudgar seemed to have no intention of saving himself.
“Flora. you wanted salvation I hope someone will come and reach out, grab you and lift you up. I also fully understand that feeling.”
“Knowing that, why… … .”
“Because Flora. Because in the end, it is he who has to change.”
“… … .”
“Even if I help you, if you are not willing to walk on your own, my help will be of no avail. It only puts your mind at ease for a moment. There is no fundamental solution.”
“… … .”
“Nevertheless, if I want to change you, it is my will, not yours. You will eventually live a life subsisted on by others. Do you really want that kind of life?”
Rudger stared at Flora with an unwavering gaze.
without a single lie.
Saying the cold truth without even a word of consideration for the other person.
“Salvation is not something you wish for. It’s something you have to achieve yourself. No one can live your life for you. No one can fully understand your despair. Of course, what makes you overcome that despair is also… … No one can do it for you.”
Rudger did not carelessly say that he would save others.
Because it’s such an arrogant act.
What can you save yourself?
Because it was only you
“So I will ask. Flora. Do you want to change?”
it’s salvation
It is excessive greed to wish for something from others that will not come even if you work hard to death.
At least Rudger thought so.
That’s why, even when it comes to salvation for others, Ludger never wasted it.
Salvation done by someone is not salvation.
It is just another bondage in the name of salvation.
After all, people had to wake up on their own volition.
I had to fight on my own.
All he can do is help.
It was only a slight push on the back of the person who was trying to move forward.
“If you want to change, I will help you. As long as you don’t give up on yourself, I will support you.”
That was Ludger’s life.
the way he walked
It was a belief.
“… … .”
Flora hesitated as to what to answer.
To be honest, I want to leave this place and go back outside.
But outside, it was so scary.
Everything that hurt was still scattered outside.
To have to face it again is a terrible disposition.
still.
Even just one person is fine, so if someone helps, then surely… … .
[It’s too much.]
Then a voice interrupted the two.
[You’re talking about such an interesting story without me.]
Basara, who was swaying behind Flora’s back, began to gradually grow in size.
At first, it was only about 3m in size, but it has become so huge that you have to raise your head quite high.
[Flora. did you forget That the outside is a world full of scars. On the other hand, it’s different here. If you are here, you will not be hurt by anyone. Because I will do it.]
Basara lowered his huge body and whispered in Flora’s ear.
[I can understand you. Because we are one body Only I can fully sympathize with your pain.]
“ah… … .”
[Don’t believe what that man says. You know that? Even though I said that, I never acknowledged you. He is a liar.]
Flora was confused by Basara’s whisper.
It was Rudger who stepped out then.
“I felt it when we fought before.”
Basara raised her head and stared at Rudger.
The black face and pure white eyes are too monotonous, but that’s why I felt an indescribable inorganic fear.
“You talk too much.”
[Oh oh. How could you say that to me in this situation?]
Basara fully stretched out his bent body.
Then, it felt like a huge mountain stood tall by itself.
[This is my world and my realm. Did you think that the weak mind of a mere human, not even outside, could stand up to it?]
“Is this a mental battle?”
Ludger glanced at Flora, who was sitting down, then looked up at Basara.
“Well, I have to try.”
Because that’s what I came for.
