◈ Episode 189: A Light for the Abandoned (1)
Enya quickly walked out of her seat.
Her breathing became rough, and she forced herself to hold on to the strength in her legs.
To face the past, which I thought I had barely forgotten, here.
It felt like the wounds in my heart that had been carved deep in my heart from long ago were reopening.
‘I was hoping for at least an apology.’
In Alex’s appearance, who was looking at him with a cold gaze, he didn’t feel the slightest bit of emotion toward him.
‘You forgot everything.’
I hated Alex so much.
So I desperately held back my tears.
I didn’t want to show my weakness in front of him.
Enya found Terrina waiting for her.
Enya immediately lowered her head.
“Forgive me for being late. Captain.”
“Looks like the story is over.”
“Did you know each other?”
Terrina asked, glancing at Enya.
Enya probably wouldn’t have shown it, but Terrina noticed right away that the adjutant’s mood was lower than usual.
“… … yes. A very short time ago.”
“Wasn’t that guy Alex?”
At that time, one of the Nightcrawler Knights who had come with him opened his mouth.
Enya tried to stop her, but Terrina responded first.
“Ah, yes. Captain. At one time, he was one of the best talents among the Noble Knights cadets.”
If it’s a Noble Knight, she knows it well.
If Seorn Academy is the empire’s foremost educational institution for nurturing great wizards, Noble Knights is a training center for nurturing knights.
Almost all of the famous knight families came from these Noble Knights graduates, and the competition to enter here was tough.
However, since Enya, who seems to have a one-sided relationship with Enya, was from the Noble Knights, I couldn’t help but be interested.
“Then Enya, I must have been in sync with you.”
“… … yes.”
It was a memory that Enya didn’t want to recall, but since the leader asked, she had no choice but to answer.
“Why is such a person in a back alley like this?”
Terrina’s words were just pure doubt.
Enya tried to answer that she didn’t know, but the ignorant knight answered first.
“Oh, that Alex.”
“I was dishonorably discharged.”
Enya bit her lip at the word of discharge.
But no one noticed Enya’s reaction.
“yes. A few days before the commissioning ceremony, he allegedly assaulted a cadet and an instructor in the same class.”
Assaulted five classmates and two instructors.
At that time, Alex couldn’t stop anyone, and in the end he became a dishonorable ex-convict.
* * *
“Is that real? Beating up all the motives.”
Alex’s eyes widened at Arfa’s naive question, but he shook his head as if he couldn’t stop it.
“okay. I hit it. Are you okay? Where do you find your motivation? Even the instructors are fine.”
“Why did you hit it?”
“Why? That’s because I was the problem… … .”
“It can’t be. Alex isn’t a bad person, is he?”
“… … .”
At Arfa’s words, Alex was speechless for a moment.
“You, we are people doing illegal things, but I’m not bad. Do you know what that means?”
“But did I feel that way?”
Alex was about to scold Arfa about what the hell did he know about this side of things that he said so carelessly.
However, the moment I saw those clear eyes, those thoughts vanished.
What am I trying to say about the automaton.
“… … I just had a problem with them.”
“People I beat up. Well, actually, it was a fair fight with a score of 5 to 1, and I was a one-sided fan because I was too strong. Those guys were jealous because I was a commoner despite being an aristocrat.”
Noble Knights entered through fierce competition.
It is unbearably unpleasant to have a commoner there, but the commoner is better than them.
There was no way the nobles would leave it alone.
At those words, Ludger remembered the image of Ceorn.
Discrimination between aristocratic and commoner students.
A huge rift between the two groups that could not be bridged.
It was a discrimination that was inscribed throughout the world.
“I may sound like I’m bragging, but even if I looked like this, I was the absolute best cadet.”
In fact, in terms of grades and skills, Alex was close to the top of the jockey.
Had it not been for the unfortunate incident that day, Alex would have been a great knight.
Even if they were commoners, they might have received titles as new nobles.
“But why are you here? If I had been patient with it a little, I would have lived with trembling.”
At Violetta’s point, Alex smiled bitterly.
“I guess it was because I was tired. Actually, I didn’t do it out of anger. The anger that had been building up for a long time exploded.”
I don’t make mistakes simply because I can’t overcome the rage of the moment.
Their sabotage actually continued from the moment they entered the Noble Knights.
“It is the same with the instructors. Would it have been normal for commoners to install and hang out in a place where aristocrats should thrive? You also made up your mind and kept disturbing me.”
If he did anything, he grabbed the horse’s tail, cheered him up, and punished him.
Even when others were resting at the inn in the evening, Alex ran through the parade ground sweating under the pretext of guidance.
I couldn’t sleep properly, and even though I showed outstanding performance, there was not a single word of praise.
Alex gritted his teeth and endured the pouring inequality.
for three years or so.
“oh my god. 3 years each… … .”
“I was able to endure it.”
“I couldn’t stand it. After all, I did it in the end.”
The lump in my heart that had accumulated over the past three years exploded shortly after the appointment ceremony.
So he got involved in cadet violence.
He was dishonorably discharged without completing the commissioning ceremony.
“But the young lady didn’t seem upset just because she was kicked out. Couldn’t she have something more?”
Pantos, who had been silently listening with his arms crossed until now, opened his mouth.
He pointed out Enya’s look and attitude.
‘Even surprisingly quick-witted!’
The members, including Violetta, Sheridan, and Hans, were silently astonished at the question of Pantos, who thought it would be a muscular brain that only wanted to match the strong.
“Why do you do that?”
Pantos asked if he felt something when his colleagues looked at him.
But no one looked away instead of answering.
I can’t say I didn’t know a person with a brain like you could say such a thing.
“Pantos is right.”
Alex agreed with Pantos’ words.
“Because she and I were lovers.”
“She was the one I saw at the auction house then. How did she meet her?”
“As much as I did well there, Enya was also quite a top-ranked player.”
Enya is a woman and her body is small compared to the others.
As a knight who uses the body, the one who is naturally full of disadvantages was Enya Joinus.
That Enya made better results among the other knight cadets was the result of sheer effort.
Alex and Enya competed for each other’s ranks, of course.
Because both of them had reasons to do their best for each other.
It was only natural for the two of them to become close.
“At first I was a rival. I thought I would never be able to lose to him, so I fought hard with my teeth.”
Alex still vividly remembered that time when his blood was boiling.
It was one of the few good memories in his life.
“Then, at some point, I felt more strongly that I wanted to be with this person rather than defeat him.”
“Oh my gosh.”
At the love story, Violetta covered her mouth with her hand and made a fuss.
“And Enya, I thought the same way. He was young.”
They even promised each other their future.
But that happiness didn’t last that long.
The closer Alex gets to Enya, and the higher her grades in the military academy are, the more the world’s obstruction towards Alex comes in.
“You don’t hang out with her. Is it possible for a commoner to date an aristocrat? Not only the cadets who were simply blinded by jealousy, but even the instructors said that.”
“Didn’t that young lady named Enya know that?”
“I did not know.”
“Because I hid it.”
I didn’t want to let her know.
If she had been honest with her, Enya, who was stubborn, would have argued and listened to them.
If so, Enya would have been tied together and discriminated against, just like Alex.
“Enya rose to that position through her own efforts. But I can’t make it go back to the old days just because of me.”
As soon as Enya, an aristocrat, proved her skills, the public’s evaluation changed.
It was a result in contrast to Alex, a commoner, who did not change no matter what he did.
However, he had never been jealous of Enya.
Rather, I wanted you to congratulate me.
“Maybe that’s why I couldn’t deny the words of those damn cadets and instructors.”
The real reason why Alex kept everything a secret from Enya was different.
Alex himself, no one else, was agreeing with them.
“The difference in social status is huge. No matter how much I finish the ceremony with the highest grades, the label of a commoner will continue to follow me. Even if I become a knight.”
Enya, on the other hand, is an aristocrat.
And because he has skills and hard work, he will succeed wherever he goes.
You will surely be much more successful than yourself.
“A guy like me was nothing more than a stumbling block in her life.”
No one could offer a word of consolation to the self-deprecating muttering.
“So I pushed Enya away.”
“You pushed me away?”
“okay. I purposely pretended to be dating someone else and dumped her. If she said she would just break up, she wouldn’t listen.”
still can’t forget
Enya’s lips trembled in shock.
Tears streamed down her cheeks and formed in her eyes as she glared at me.
And even her voice as if she was screaming at herself.
I repeated to myself several times that it was okay, but as expected, the thoughts and the reality I faced were different.
After breaking up with Enya, Alex felt an endless emptiness.
“I thought it would be okay if we broke up, but it wasn’t. On the contrary, I felt like an idiot for having been patiently patient for the past three years.”
At that time, aristocratic cadets approached Alex, mentioning Enya.
In the end, you broke up. looks good It didn’t even fit in the first place anyway.
The moment he saw that blatantly laughing at this side, Alex burst into laughter.
so i made it cool
I beat them up.
just before dying.
Five even had swords, but they were no match for the bare-handed Alex.
The instructor, who had come to stop it and favored only the nobles, also sang along.
He was expelled from the Noble Knights with the label of such a dishonorable expelled person.
It was truly an end befitting a commoner.
“I was too cocky. A commoner looked up at a high place without knowing the subject.”
Hurt the person you love, and get kicked out of a place where you can fulfill your dreams.
After that, Alex was left with nothing.
* * *
“He has talent, but he was discharged in the end.”
Terrina brushed her chin once with her gloved hand at the words of her men, then shook her head.
“It is unfortunate.”
She doesn’t know exactly what happened between Enya and the man.
But when Alex first entered the room, Terrina could feel it in the knight’s gut.
That he is a well-trained strongman.
“Why is such a man here under the man called the owner?”
No matter how much he was discharged, if he was from the Noble Knights, he would have been able to live up to his name wherever he went.
Doing the subordinates of the back alley lord.
“Well, it’s because I’m a commoner after all, isn’t it?”
“Because that’s all I know how to do.”
At the words of the Night Crawler Knights, Enya bit her lip.
Terrina asked, seeing Enya’s reaction.
“Are you okay? Enya.”
“… … I am fine.”
“but… … .”
“Because I have nothing to do with that man in the first place.”
Terrina didn’t ask any more about Enya’s words, which seemed to be cut off firmly.
* * *
“I’ve been wandering ever since.”
Alex moved about like a tramp.
He got drunk and gambled every day.
There were days like that.
There was a fight with a gang that manipulated gambling. Alex’s skills could have beaten them all, but he didn’t.
Rather, I was beaten and chased by them, and I even rolled over the mud.
It was a day of heavy rain.
Alex sprawled out in the mud and looked up at the sky.
What is so sad about the gloomy and black sky, it kept pouring rain.
I know that my life is pitiful.
It didn’t matter though.
Trash like me is cheap even if it happens like this.
I didn’t know if it would be better to do a guest house rather quickly.
It was then that someone appeared in his field of vision.
-Why are you being bullied by someone weaker than you?
The place where people passing by on the street deliberately pretended not to see it.
There was one person who spoke to him.
– What are you?
– I happened to witness it at a bar a while ago. He lost even though he knew the other party was cheating. Do you have a hobby that suits you?
-Then ask another question. Are you satisfied with living like that?
Those words hit Alex’s back.
Alex raised his upper body and showed it.
– If you tell me, then will you back off? Nari looks noble?
-It depends on what you say.
Even if he bluntly sneers, all he gets back is a blunt answer.
Alex gritted it.
Alex knew too.
That the opponent came with really pure favor.
If I really wasn’t interested, I would have ignored him like everyone else.
But I couldn’t control this anger.
– Self-loathing. Are you releasing the accumulated anger on yourself?
– So what do you know… … .
-Aren’t you angry?
– Bowing down to guys who are worse than you. I have skills, but I am not treated well. That would all split.
-But why are you blaming yourself for that anger?
– Stop talking bullshit!
What came back to Alex’s cry was an outstretched hand.
– Not together.
-What do I believe in you?
– Do you really need to believe it?
-what? Have you ever wondered what happened to your hair? Then what am I with you for?
The man laughed and said.
-At the very least, I wouldn’t think of it as a commoner.
-… … .
I thought it might have just been word of mouth.
No, in fact, maybe that’s what I wanted to believe.
But Alex knew.
When everyone walks past, ignoring their soiled selves.
That this man, who was the only one who spoke to me and reached out to me, couldn’t lie.
-You can hold my hand and push me away. It doesn’t matter if you borrow money from me. I can borrow it if you want. Even if it looks like this, it’s a lot of money. But can you keep this one?
-At least don’t do anything to hurt yourself. isn’t that painful
-… … .
It was the first time.
That someone really comforts you.
no. Actually, it wasn’t the first time.
Because she, who I can’t see anymore, continued to worry about me.
Even so, it was he who pushed away and ran away.
At that moment, the dam that was blocked deep in Alex’s chest collapsed.
-shit. me why me
Even when you hurt the lover you loved and broke up.
Even when I was expelled from the Noble Knights Academy.
Even when I was walking around the bottom drunk.
I never shed as many tears.
Alex shed tears like a child for the first time that day.
-It’s raining a lot.
Rudger muttered as he watched the rain pour down from the sky.
– Too much down.
Alex lowered his head, unable to answer.